Skinny Old Coot - Most of the town folk are a bit scared of that skinny old coot. Nope, more likely they wouldn't be worth.Well, worth a shit I imagine. I mean, can ya imagine it? You could take a dump and have the little turd go plow the back 40! Ah, just as well, those little freaks probally would never get a lick o' work done, the way they always be hoppin' around like that. Damn, I'm startin' to think I'm on the wrong side here. They bring it to life and use them little buggers to do all their work for them. Ayup, you heard right, alien shit! Seems them buggers have found some kind'a way to recycle their own crap.
Turd Minion - Rumor has it that them Turd Minions is actually made from alien fecal matter. Ya best pay attention to what I'm sayin' now, 'cause if ya get one of them mongreloids after yer ass, you'll be prayin' for the fastest cowboy boots that's ever graced the face of this earth. you be might careful not to go messin' 'round with no farm dogs, 'cause they're awful tempermental about strangers bein' in their territory. Piss off a Javelina and she might just gnaw yer foot off if'n ya ain't careful.ĭog - Dogs round here ain't like them lazy city dogs they gots t'earn their keep. 'Sides, they ain't quite as dumb as chickens and cows ya know. Somehow, them animals always seem to lift me up when I'm feelin' down. Some of my most favorit things on this earth is made from them critters. Pig - Don't you be shootin' no pigs now, ya hear.
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They ain't so bright though I tipped one over once and it took it nearly a whole day to figger out how to get back up. I'll tell ya, them animals make for some great cover when your ass is in a bind. Damn thing just kept on walkin' cross the road too, as if it never paid me no nevermind. Hell, I hit one with my truck once and it took the radiator and grill completely out. Cluck's Deep Fryin' vat.Ĭow - It always amazes me how many slugs you can pump into a cow before she'll go down. Nope, if ya ask me, a chicken is at its best when its floatin' way down at the bottom of a J. Now I reckon' ya might be able to get 'em riled up enough to provide some decent target practice, but as far as I'm concerned, theys generally just a pain in the ass, and is constantly gettin' in the way. Ain't no bug repellent in the world gonna keep these bastards away, so ya best be keepin' a loaded shotgun handy if'n you're gonna go traipsin' through the backwoods.Ĭhicken - Chickens really don't make good huntin', 'cause they just ain't much of a challenge. Hell, some farmers 'round these parts even claim that a 'skeeter can carry off a Javelina if it gets hungry enough. Now, I suggest ya don't take these stories tpo lightly, 'cause I've seen some mosquitos in my time that could suck a full-grown steer bone dry.
Mosquito - You may have heard a yarn or two about the size of the insect life here in the deep South. I'm gonna get throwed outta the ' lodge if anyone sees me wearin' it. Well now, I'm just too ashamed to talk about this here gun. You can set 'em off with just about any-thing.Just make shore you shoot 'em from a safe distance. Powder Keg - Thems give new meanin' to the phrase "Handle with care." I wouldn't even recommend fartin' too close to these things. Best watch out for that nasty rebound now.Īlien Arm Gun - Well now, them tendons is a little slimy, and the fireworks it lets out'll burn the hair on your arms clean off, but I'll be damned if this thing won't crispify just about anything. Rip Saw - This here is your dual-3 purpose killin'machine-one mode gives ya that close-up chainsaw action, while the other is perfect fer some long-distance mutilation. She'll fly mightly far with a cross-bow, and the twang of the bow-string is sorta like a banjo. J Crossbow - When yer throwin' arm [ L gets a little tired, try duct-tapin' a stick 'a dynamite to an arrow. Light 'em, throw 'em, then get the hell ? outta the way. bursts if ya don't wanna be shootin' at the sky.ĭynamite - These ain't eggsackly i what you'd call Safe N' Sane. Ranch Rifle - Pssst.Don't tell Sheriff Hobbes now, but we done modified this baby to be fully automatic. Tap her gently to let off a single \ load, or lean on her to empty both ] barrels. > Shotgun - The primary weapon for some up-close and personal killin'. She packs quite a a punch and is real accurate from a * distance. 454 Casull pistol - This ain't no pea-shooter, boy. (You can't beat our meat!)Ĭrowbar - There's just something so satisfying about the bone-jarrin' feeling of a cold piece of steel laid across a warm skull.